In this valentine article, J John from Philo Trust encourages the reader to celebrate romance throughout the year. J John says that  romance and marriage should be among the building blocks of society.

J John unlocks some of the history behind valentines day from it's beginnings in the the third century to its commercial spread across the globe.

J John writes... 

In the third century, the Roman Empire was becoming difficult to defend and the Emperor, Claudius II, needed more soldiers. He tried to recruit new men, but faced an obstacle in the young wives of his soldiers, who begged their husbands to stay at home rather than fight. So Claudius decided to forbid marriage. Gloom descended on the city but there was a priest who disagreed with the Emperor’s decree and married young lovers in secret. Morale in Rome was restored but Claudius realised that his plan wasn’t working. It didn’t take him long to find out why and on 14th February AD 270 the priest was executed. His name was Saint Valentine – ‘the friend of lovers’.

What have we lost?

We have lost the reference to the saint and 14th February is now known world-wide as Valentine's Day. Celebrating it is becoming unavoidable and ‘compulsory’, which can be very hurtful for those who are single and offends those who wish to defend singleness as an acceptable lifestyle. Valentine's Day is also becoming increasingly sexualised, losing the innocence it once had. A further concern is that much of the commercial and media attention is shallow. Beneath the surface is an expectation that, at best, romance will turn into humdrum marriage and at worst, it will all end in tears.

 Dig beneath the chocolates

So what should we do? It's tempting to treat the occasion as corrupted and ignore it entirely. Although this is the easiest solution I think it is wrong because of the biblical emphasis on redemption. If we dig beneath the chocolates, the flowers and the cards, Valentine's Day is ultimately about romance, which is a precious gift from God, the high value of which is seen throughout the Bible. In Genesis God created human beings as men and women, complementary companions, and throughout the Bible we see that relationships are good. A whole book of the Bible, the Song of Songs, is all about romance. God uses the language of romance to describe his attitude towards his people and Jesus is depicted as the Church’s bridegroom. God’s affection for us is so strong that only the language of romance is adequate to describe it. God gave us romance because he is love. And that's a good enough reason to try to redeem Valentine's Day and romance.

Rejoicing in romance

We should rejoice in romance, affirming the goodness and ultimate value of love between man and woman. Romance is also a serious thing. For a couple to enter into a romance is to start that cautious walk together that may lead to the lifelong spiritual, psychological and physical union of marriage.

Guarding romance

We need to encourage restraint in romance. This may seem to fly in the face of affirming romantic love. But we protect the things we value. Because we think romance is good and valuable it needs to be guarded. The Bible is clear that romance should be protected by boundaries; it is too important to be treated lightly and, under the wrong circumstances, is capable of inflicting enormous harm.

We must push hard for a reality in romance. A number of myths and lies surround romance, including:

• Romance will solve everything: Romance can be the start of a man and a woman beginning a new life of deep companionship together but to expect it to solve your personal problems is to invite disappointment, if not disaster. If you think that romance is the answer you are asking the wrong question.
• Everybody needs romance: To suggest that we are unfulfilled unless we are in a romantic relationship is to turn romance into a religion. Many people spend much if not all of their lives without romantic relationships and are happy and fulfilled.
• Romance requires the perfect lover: The media have fed us unrealistic expectations based on women who are flawless supermodels and men with the sombre brooding charm of a Mr Darcy or Twilight’s Edward Cullen. Let's get real: romance is more about what you are deep down than what you look like on the surface.
• Romance ends with marriage: Of all the myths to do with romance this is perhaps the most harmful. Romance does not have to wane when marriage begins; it changes but it need not end. It may need more work, it may be quieter, it may need more persistence and – almost certainly – more forgiveness. But the romance can, and should, continue.

Romance is worth redeeming

Let’s celebrate romance throughout the year. Romance and marriage are among the building blocks of society, the foundations on which our culture stands. Undermine them and you can say goodbye to any sort of stable social order. Romance is worth redeeming, and not just on St Valentine's Day.