My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Matthew 27:46

What an alarming question for God to ask God. And there is no immediate answer. No word from heaven. No miracle. No sign except the darkness itself in the middle of the afternoon. In this moment, Jesus legitimised for all time the need we have for explanation. He also demonstrated that the explanation may not come when we think we need it most. Although we will never suffer in the way Jesus did on that day, there are Good Friday seasons in all our lives when pain, disappointment, confusion or a sense of spiritual abandonment cause us to ask God the ultimate question, “Why?”…

…One night as I slumped on the sofa trying to come to terms with the effects of yet another seizure, God seemed to whisper five words in my ear: “I know how you feel.”

Whether or not I had imagined the voice, it had an immediate impact on me. I replied angrily out loud, “No you don’t!” I was in no mood to be patronised. Especially not by God who’d just let me down once again. “How can you pretend to know how I feel? If you knew how this felt You’d stop these seizures!” Tears were scalding my cheeks. “When did you ever see the face You love more than any other contorted demonically, blue and gasping for air? When did You ever have to sit there whispering the stupidest prayers that were ever prayed, feeling totally and utterly helpless? God, I don’t think You have any idea how it feels to be one flesh with someone and to watch that person writhe as if her bones were breaking. When did You ever experience all that?”

Silence
Brushing away the tears, my gaze settled on a familiar postcard on the shelf above the fireplace, just a little to the left beneath the mirror. It was Salvador Dali’s depiction of the crucifixion – Christ of Saint John of the Cross. God knew where I was looking because He waited a moment before whispering just five more words: “That’s how I felt then.”

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Revelation 21: 4-6

Prayer
O Christ Jesus,
When all is in darkness,
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of your presence, 
Your love, and your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For living close to You,
We shall see Your hand, 
Your purpose, Your will through all things
Amen

A prayer for trust in Jesus – St Ignatius of Loyola.