Kim Hartshorne writes on the subject of being disappointed with God. Using the book of Jonah, Kim explores how we should respond and deal with our disappointment and anger with God, especially when things don't seem to be going to plan.  

She continues by asking this question whilst someone, like Jonah, is wholeheartedly living for God and striving to do his work.

She writes... 

I’ve been studying and reading the Old Testament book of Jonah lately, preparing to deliver a talk. I hadn’t really paid serious attention to it before, reserving it in the file in my mind labelled ‘Kids Talk Materials’, but I’ve been on a journey with it and have ended up with a new perspective – on myself and God.

Jonah has an important role to play as a prophet for the salvation of those who God plans to reach. But he is a successful Israelite with a reputation to maintain, and he doesn’t want to be involved in rescuing a load of Gentiles who worship every idol and god under the sun. So he tries to make a dash in the opposite direction. When God catches up with him, inside the belly of a fish, he makes a hasty prayer of repentance, perhaps motivated by a desire to avoid the consequences of his mistake! So God shows him mercy and sets him back on track to go and do the job. Then, in their next conversation, Jonah is spewing out anger and disappointment with God all over again.

All about us

It seems to have become all about Jonah and what he wanted: his view of the right course of action required, the programme he wanted to use, his judgements, convenience and reputation. When he didn’t get what he wanted, he threw a tantrum. In contrast, God continues on the course he had pre-planned to save the people of Ninevah from their confusion. He is unfailingly merciful and reliable, carrying out his plan and working around Jonah or with him in order to reach his goal of the inclusion of the people of Ninevah in his love.

Some of us find ourselves at various points on this continuum along with Jonah: sulking with God over disappointments we’ve had, failed mission initiatives we’ve been involved in, jobs we applied for and didn’t get, relationships we haven’t had, prophetic words spoken to us that haven’t come to fruition yet.

Plans and perspective

What I sensed God teaching me through this well-known story is how often I slip into thinking that this journey of life as a Christian is all about me. I move so quickly from genuine moments of worship and thankfulness to planning my next moves, attendance at my next conference, or displaying my spiritual gifts like a prize rosette. I sometimes treat God as the deliverer of my ambitions, my mentor in the ceaseless climb up the ladder of doing good or ‘bringing in the Kingdom’ as we like to call it to add gravitas! What starts out as a response of the heart to the Holy Spirit can over time turn into a ‘career plan’ which revolves around me.

Delusions of grandeur

While preparing my talk on Jonah I was reading US pastor Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God, which addresses this issue of our perspective. In it he describes someone who is an extra in a crowd scene in a movie, the back of their head visible for a few seconds in the final cut of the film. It would be fun for that person to point out the back of their head to their friends. However, if they rented out a cinema on the opening night and invited people to come and see this movie they’re starring in, that would be delusional! We can behave like this towards God, participating in the delusion that everything in our lives has to be positive, growing, moving forward, tidy and that it’s God’s job to package and deliver this, preferably in our favourite delivery slot!

Learning my place

I’ve been studying theology this year. When someone first suggested I do so, I thought: ‘Surely theology is just a load of thinking about things we can’t know answers to anyway?’ Then I expected the course to confirm all the ‘right’ doctrinal views I already held and give black and white answers on every issue. Then I expected it to be a good opportunity to get all the answers to all those tricky questions and bits of the Bible I’d never understood! At the end of the first year I find myself falling on my face at the privilege it is to have carved out time to ponder the immense mystery of God and to wonder that he includes us in his plans, that he delights in our company and shows mercy as often as we get it wrong.

Keeping short accounts

So how do we remember where and who we are, in relation to where and who God is? We ask God, as the initiator of all things, to re-order the perspective of our heart so we serve and join in with his mission to the world. We can ask for repentance if we have slipped into a false pattern of thinking. If we’ve become angry, disappointed or disenchanted with God because things haven’t gone according to our plans, we can talk to him honestly and give the plan back to him. Disappointment can corrode our faith, and sometimes my own has come as a result of having unrealistic expectations of my own importance in God’s plans. It’s good to keep short accounts with God, dealing with whatever could get in the way of our relationship with our Creator. Talking things through with a mentor or prayer partner can help us see a longer term view and get us back on track.

Thankfulness and gratitude expressed through worship, service or giving to others will always help us to put God back at the centre of our universe and us at the foot of the Cross receiving grace we know we don’t deserve. And if you really want to deal with your ‘stuff’ and spend time glimpsing the broader perspectives of heaven, studying theology isn’t a bad place to start!

This article was first publish in the Autumn 2010 edition, and appears copyright of New Wine Magazine, and is used with kind permission.